Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Peer Editing Assignment for Point of View

Below this post you will find two of your classmates essays--(thank you Jenny and Cynthia). What I would like you to do, by 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday September 24th is comment on and critique both these essays. The reasons I picked these two were because I thought they were quite good (so you have something to compliment them on to start off with,) but neither of these essays received a 9 (so you can offer some advice on what may have made the papers better.) They are also about the same story, and deal with stream-of-consciousness, but attacked the prompt with two different strategies.

Image from Jess (Collins)--one of my favorite artists.

This is worth 20 "Homework Points".

You will be graded on the depth and originality (not said before you in the comment stream) of your response to the following:

  • Begin with what you saw as a strength in the essay--what was good?
  • Show where the essay could have been improved.
  • End with how the essay enhanced or changed your perception or thinking on any topic--(I know this is vague--run with it).

Your responses should be as specific as possible--cut and paste the words from the essay if you need to. You can comment on anything from the analysis to how the evidence is integrated to sentence style and structure to typos to diction to philosophical elaboration to anything that writers must consider that I have left out. Remember to carefully phrase your responses in a way that you would want to receive (because you will be here soon.)

Peace. (And keep it unfeigned.)


Mels1619 said...

Well first, I want to congratulate Jenny for this essay. I thought it was extremely amazing. To begin with, I love her thesis statement. I believe that the thesis is the strongest part of every essay because is when the writer has the opportunity to get the readers attention and from there the reader will decide if she/he will continue reading or not. I love the way Jenny began her essay, "Set on a 'brilliantly fine' day". She uses textual evidence and continues to comment on it. She caughts the readers attention, which is a plus for a writer. The thesis statement is the only opportunity a writer has to gain that credibility from the reader and Jenny definitely achieves this in her thesis. I also like how Jenny answer the prompt correctly. She focused on point of view and how Mansfield achieved this.

I would say that Jenny's essay could have improve on staying on track. She had a great start but throught out the rest of the paragraphs, she kind of got carried away and forgot the actual point of the essay. But I understand becuase with so much to say, it is difficult to stay on the same topic and not sound repetitive. Other than that, I believe she did an excellent job.

The essay enhanced more my thoughts on the story. Jenny mentions a couple of things that I missed or really did not develop well on my essay. It also raise my desire on writing a better essay, in other words, a better thesis.

Mr. G said...

oh, sorry--can you post this in the comment stream of the post with Jenny's essay--I should have been more clear.